I’ve had some negative changes in my life since the AT. But they’re part of me and my mentality so they can’t be ignored.
Of course. We all had to deal with this one. Ironically, my start date for The Appalachian Trail was March 20, 2019. The first day of Covid shut down was March 20, 2020. I used to joke that March 20th was going to start marking the time every year when I start taking a lot of walks and stop showering every day.
Unfortunately, I had a bad time with Covid. I got the OG Covid: the original strain and before the vaccine. It was awful. It also gave me a heart condition. Yup, that’s right. A freaking heart condition. I went from marathon runner/thru-hiker to not being allowed to do any physical activity at all per the cardiologist’s orders because I was “at risk for heart failure.” You can imagine how I handled that.
I’ll skip the long and frustrating story and jump right to the current part of the story: I’m fine and have my Doctor’s permission to hike/run/do whatever my little active heart desires as long as I feel capable. For the most part, it’s not an issue, but I’ll just have to be mindful because I still get dizzy spells which, hiking alone, I can’t let become a safety issue. I have a very good handle on it and there’s other warning signs when I’m going to have, what I call, one of my “bad days,” so, it’ll possibly be inconvenient, but not an actual worry.
The Ugly
Brace yourselves. The ugly is UGLY.
My Mother is Gone
My Mother. My friend. My cheerleader. I lost my Mother on May 6th 2021. Then, less than a year later, on April 11th, I lost my Grandmother. Two of the most supportive and influential humans in my life. It’s hard to take on any goal and not have them to share it with.
In terms of hiking, my Mother was never much of one. The activity we bonded over was reading. I carried a book with me on the entire AT and, when I was nearing the end of one, I would tell my Mom and she would send me another in my next resupply box. I never specified which one. She always chose. Nothing more than 8 ounces. As a non-hiker, this was how she was involved with my thru-hike. I loved it.
She was also a worry-wart. It took a lot for her to overcome her motherly worry in regards to the AT. But you had better believe that, the incredible mother she was, she embraced and supported it. She watched past thru-hikers’ videos on YouTube (though I’m not actually sure this was a good idea in terms of helping her worry). She read a book about the trail and posted all of my updates online. This hike is obviously significantly shorter than the AT and I’ll need much less. But, do you ever stop needing your mother? Mothers are the only ones that care that there was a spider in your shoe because you left them outside your tent.
I still think about her all the time. The urge to send a text is constant. Trivial, daily things. Things only mothers care about. And I’m constantly reminded of that hole in my life that will never go away. But I also know that she’d be so mad at me if I let it get in the way. She’d be just as into this hike at the AT.
Moving Forward
Change, of course, is inevitable. But too much can be jarring. I think this chunk of time on the NET, though significantly shorter than the AT, is going to help me feel more centered. We shall see!
